homesick

i miss waco.

I know, I never thought the day would come where I would actually say it out loud. But I miss waco. Not necessarily Texas...just waco.

being home isn't easy for me. It's not hard...it's just definitely not easy. the person I am now, the person i am in waco is someone so completely opposite of the person people knew me as here in brentwood. the high school me was lukewarm, passive, unsure of herself, insecure, needy, self-centered, and made fun of...a lot.

college was a fresh start. i had no image to live up to. people didn't know who i was in high school and i was free to be who i wanted with no former image or strings attached. and that's exactly what i did. I'm not saying im not any of those things listed above anymore. because I surely am. My flesh is not completely conquered but i've learned what it's like to walk in the spirit and to LIVE OUT being a Christian, a little Jesus. This means we have to be LIKE Jesus. Not just kinda like Him. But really try and strive to be like Him.

I feel as if most people have accepted that they will never be perfect and automatically give up on ever trying to be like the one perfect person to ever walk this planet. No one fully understands what it means to be like Jesus! or no one really wants to acknowledge what it means. That it means losing EVERYTHING. It means laying down your life DAILY. it means being uncomfortable and risking everything and not caring what others think about you. It means being willing to risk your life at any second for anyone. Putting others needs before your own, even people who you don't think deserve it. It's not cussing, watching porn, getting drunk, going too far with your boyfriend, talking about people, putting others down, back-talking your parents, or in any ways being friends with the world because THOSE AREN'T THINGS JESUS DID!!! And please don't say "it's okay, Jesus drank wine." okay totally different. do your research about the time period. it's not about seeing how much you can get away with. It's about trying to be as pure as He was. Not how much you can do before God takes back your salvation. But how much you can live in the kingdom.

And God did NOT call you to be lukewarm or passive. He DID call you to preach the gospel daily! He DID call you to be his BOLD disciple and to walk out in the SPIRIT daily. He called YOU to make disciples of all nations. Not the preacher, or the girl in your spanish class. but YOU.